We Spend Our Lives Trying to Control Everything. Jesus Keeps Asking Us to Let Go.
A mother's stroke, an addiction-fueled collapse, and one hard lesson every man eventually faces: surrender isn't weakness—it's the beginning of freedom.
The Problem I Couldn’t Fix
My mom lives in an assisted living facility and has been working hard to recover from a stroke she suffered more than two years ago. The stroke left her dependent on caregivers for many of her basic needs. She requires assistance transferring in and out of bed and on and off the toilet.
What makes it even harder is that the help often arrives late—or, in some cases, not at all. Her medications have also been administered incorrectly. I know she isn’t the only elderly patient experiencing these challenges, but she is my mom, and I am one of many who believe she deserves better.
The facility is chronically short-staffed and shows little sign of addressing the problem. I could write a book about employees failing to meet even basic standards of care, but I won’t. After witnessing the same patterns repeatedly, I followed the usual channels to voice my concerns and advocate for better care. When promises were made but nothing changed, I let my anger get the best of me. I went straight to the top and demanded accountability, determined to fix the problem once and for all.
For a moment, it felt empowering.
But before long, things returned to the same cycle of inconsistent and unmotivated service. There are occasional good days, but not much has changed. The care my mother receives still falls short of what most of us would want for our own moms.
I won’t stop advocating for her. But even if I am right, I am not in control of this situation. Admitting that brings up all kinds of emotions—frustration, anger, helplessness—that I can only try not to sin over.
The Man Who Had to Lose Everything Before He Let God In
National men’s ministry leader, speaker, and author of Power Made Perfect, John Edwards shares a powerful story of addiction, brokenness, and surrender. His life spiraled downward through drug addiction, eventually leading to separation from God and devastating consequences. His story resonates with many men who try to overcome life’s pressures through self-medication, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and worldly solutions.
Like most things in life, we make choices and ignore the consequences until we find ourselves facing problems we can no longer fix on our own.
John was driven by the need to appear strong—a good provider, a man who could handle every problem himself. He humbly admits these traits are often signs of a man operating apart from God. What began as one secret addiction eventually became four, all while his family life and professional success appeared perfect to outsiders.
But God loved John too much to leave him there.
After being arrested and hitting rock bottom, he cried out to God for the first time in years. Alone in a jail cell, he surrendered his life to Christ.
Spoiler alert: that moment began an incredible ten-year journey of transformation. As John surrendered control, he watched God use his life in remarkable ways.
This month, we hosted John on our “Answering the Heroic Call” podcast. After reading his book and interviewing him, I’m convinced his story offers practical steps all of us can use to invite God to take the reins and reveal His purpose for our lives.
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FEATURE
Jesus Could Not Be More Clear
In John 15:5, Jesus says, “Remain in me... and you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”
Could God’s Word be any clearer?
Jesus is waiting for us to surrender—to trust, obey, and abide in Him.
Why Surrender Feels So Unnatural
God created men to protect, provide, and lead. Those responsibilities come with pressure. We often feel it is our duty to control outcomes and solve every problem affecting us or the people we love.
At the same time, while we naturally make life about ourselves, God is working out His plans for billions of people He loves equally. Sometimes we cannot see how He is moving in our jobs, marriages, finances, or homes.
Success Trains Us to Trust Ourselves
Many of us are exceptionally good at taking charge and driving toward desired outcomes. If you’ve worked for a large company, you’ve probably been rewarded for delivering results on time and under budget. It’s easy to trust our own plans and simply ask God to bless them.
In those moments, I forget that God—not me—is ultimately in control, and His plan is always bigger and better than mine.
What Surrender Has Looked Like for Me
I’ve been working on my own ability to trust God and surrender control. Unlike John Edwards, I didn’t end up in a jail cell. But I can absolutely relate to trying to do life my own way.
That struggle hasn’t been helped by a comparison-driven, performance-oriented mindset I’ve carried since childhood. Through experience, I’ve learned that I truly can do nothing apart from Christ. Looking back, I can see God’s hand throughout my life, even when I thought I was the one in control.
The truth is, God’s control isn’t something to fear—it’s a source of peace.
The Prayer That Keeps Bringing Me Back
For the past twenty months, I’ve been praying the Surrender Novena. If you’re unfamiliar with it, the prayer was given by Jesus to Father Dolindo Ruotolo (1882–1970), who faithfully recorded the nine-day novena.
Its message is so practical and relevant that after finishing Day 9, I simply start over again at Day 1. As I continue praying it, I see growth in my faith, trust, and peace.
One recurring theme throughout the novena is Jesus’ promise that He will take care of everything we place in His hands. Whatever the outcome, He promises us His peace.
As it turns out, my mother’s care is one area I have had to surrender. Every day, I place it before Jesus and acknowledge that God has a plan for her and for those caring for her—a plan I cannot accelerate, especially through anger and frustration.
A Challenge for Every Man Reading This
If you sense God calling you to release control in some area of your life, I hope you have a men’s group, pastor, or trusted Christian mentor with whom you can talk and pray.
Consider praying the Surrender Novena as well. It is easy to find online, and I’ve even purchased copies printed on cardstock to share with others.
While John Edwards wasn’t ready to surrender until he reached rock bottom, you don’t have to wait for a crisis. Spend some time in prayer and honestly examine what your need for control may be costing you.
Control shows up in many places: our children, careers, finances, marriages, and future plans.
I’ve seen firsthand how my desire to “fix” everything myself has led me into pride, frustration, and sin. That has never been God’s plan for me.
And I suspect it isn’t His plan for you either.
