I Went to a Men’s Ministry Launch... & One Number Ruined My Day
This Parish Event Revealed Why Brotherhood Among Men Feels So Rare
Last weekend, I attended my parish’s new men’s ministry launch event.
My parish has about 850 families and at least 700 men. Hosting the event was renowned speaker, author and designer of men’s ministries, John Edwards.
John began advising our church parish months ago, and a strong plan was adopted and a ministry team was prepared. Saturday, John powerfully spoke on the need for men to engage and actively participate.
The event was compelling for the 35 (5%) men who attended the kickoff.
While 5% of the potential audience is a disappointing turnout to me, it’s not unusual. Catholic men’s conferences across North America consistently see a fraction of the pool of men attending.
Why don’t we men want to join in these events and commit our time to faith-based events that help us all get off the couch and grow as disciples, husbands, fathers and leaders?
I’m not sure I have all those answers. But I do know we can’t get discouraged.
God’s plan for Brotherhood
If you are reading this, no doubt you are familiar with the mission the Heroic Men ministry for creating and growing brotherhood in Christ.
Given the current loneliness and isolation crisis men face, building brotherhood is more essential now than ever. But it isn’t our idea; it’s God’s plan. God made us for relationship, and brotherhood is all about that.
Regardless of how low or high men may be responding to invitation to engage, for those of us whom God has called to respond, it’s a matter of obedience. We need to pray, refine our plans, and persevere.
The Bible’s Case for Brotherhood
How is it obedience? The Bible presents a powerful and consistent case for brotherhood. Throughout Scripture, God emphasizes that people are not meant to live life alone but in supportive, encouraging relationships with others.
Brotherhood in the biblical sense is more than friendship; it involves accountability, unity, encouragement, and mutual care during both good times and times of hardship.
Several key passages demonstrate that strong relationships between believers help individuals grow spiritually and remain strong in their faith.
The most quoted about brotherhood has to be Proverbs 27:17
“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”
This verse illustrates the idea that people improve one another through honest interaction and accountability. Just as iron tools become sharper through friction with another piece of iron, individuals grow stronger and wiser when they challenge and encourage one another.
Brotherhood therefore involves more than simply spending time together; it requires intentional relationships where people push each other toward growth, wisdom, and righteousness.
We are the average of our 5 best friends.
We take on the character and draw on those good men we hang (in brotherhood) with. Proverbs 13:20 says it better than me: “He who walks with wise men becomes wise. But he the companion of fools will suffer harm”.
In Ecclesiastes 4:9 says: “two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor” and that if one person falls, another can help them up. Life inevitably brings difficulties, and moments of weakness.
When your buddy faces these challenges alone, it’s much harder to recover. However, when brothers walk together, they can support and restore each other. Verse 12 continues: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” This metaphor emphasizes the strength found in unity.
Jesus had 12 disciples, sent them out in pairs to proclaim the gospel, and they each then built a brotherhood to go and build the early church.
Here’s one last New Testament verse in support of building brotherhood. Galatians 6:2 instructs us to: “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
This teaching shows that faith is not only personal but also communal. Supporting others through their struggles is an essential expression of Christian love. Men need that now more than ever.
Time for action.
Never give in and never give up. Men may not be jumping into brotherhood groups or conferences at a rate we want.
But, we do know your personal invitation to one man at a time works. Extend your hand and invite one man into friendship, a beer, coffee.
If we don’t, we are part of the problem. If we do, we are obeying God’s will and certainly part of the solution.
Thanks, Brothers.
There are a couple problems with the concept of building Men's Ministry. Many people, even those affiliated with Heroic Men, pass out the phenomenal book, "No Man Left Behind" but, sadly, I find that very few of them have actually read the book.
If they had read the book, they would learn that the secret to building men's ministry is to stop trying to build men's ministry. It's already there. Everything that men do in a parish is men's ministry. Find those aspects and strengthen them. Encourage the men in all of your ministries to come together and pray before events, to talk to each other outside of those events, and to find another man to bring into that ministry.
We are not trying to build men's ministry; we are trying to build disciples and anything that works toward that purpose is "Men's Ministry."
Men don't need a Bible study or a program, per se; they need a purpose. They need to belong to something. The downside, of course, is that, with all the demands on their time, men are extremely wary of being recruited into something that will demand more of their time. Be honest. How many of your groups sign people up and immediately start recruiting to fill open positions? The answer is generally...all of them. I have my own life and my own problems. I am not the answer to your problems.
Until I care about your problems. The correct structure to consider is: Belong, Believe, Behave.
1. Give men community without requirements or recruiting
2. When they are comfortable with a group, they will be much more amenable with the purpose of the group and its goals
3. If men feel at home in the group and have come to agree with the tenets of that group, then and only then, can you recruit them.
This. Takes. Years. If you are not prepared to spend seven to ten years of building ministry, find something else to do. While you are finding something else to do, take some time to read "No Man Left Behind."