When I was in college, I spent a season working on the docks, loading trucks alongside hardened, career-long dock workers. I showed up, did the same work, paid the same union dues—but I wasn’t one of them. Not really. We didn’t eat together. We didn’t talk at breaks. They saw me as a college kid just passing through. I wasn’t part of the brotherhood. I was just… there.
This is what happens when you’re surrounded by people, but still completely alone. And that’s where a lot of men find themselves today.
Something’s Gone Wrong in the Soul of Modern Man. Loneliness is suffocating us—slowly, silently. Especially men. Especially now. We’re more connected than ever—yet more isolated, more anxious, and more adrift. Even in our churches, even in our own homes.
So let’s talk honestly. Let’s ask the harder questions about why this is happening, and what we’re supposed to do about it.
One in three men admit to the bone-deep ache of loneliness—and it’s not just a passing feeling. It’s a health risk, a spiritual problem, and a cultural crisis.
God has made us for relationship—we know this in our bones. We see it woven into the 10 Commandments. Honor God. Honor others. Life works best when we live in obedience to this design.
Consider the 10 Commandments and we easily see God’s wisdom for how we live our best life when we honor God and others in obedience. But now more than ever, men—more than women—are struggling with what experts have termed the “epidemic of loneliness and isolation.”
This isn’t God’s plan for us.
The physical, mental, and spiritual consequences are growing. In this article, I’d like to look at what is known about this crisis. In addition, I want to consider how we can make a difference to the men around us by more fully living out our identity as Christian men and as beloved sons of Almighty God.
The Crisis Is Real—and It’s Growing.
In direct opposition to relationship, the “men’s loneliness epidemic” refers to the growing concern about the increasing levels of social isolation and loneliness among men in the United States. While loneliness affects both men and women, studies suggest men are experiencing it disproportionately, and with more severe consequences.
Furthermore, new research is showing that while the crisis affects men of all ages, it seems to be particularly hard on young men.
While it’s a concern in the Church, consider what the U.S. Surgeon General had to say on September 18, 2023: “Americans face an epidemic of loneliness and social isolation,” —U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. Murthy
“The health impacts include an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death. Social isolation leads to dysfunctions “in our schools, workplaces, and civic organizations, where performance, productivity, and engagement are diminished.”
Other alarming aspects include:
Male suicide rates in the U.S. are up 33% from 1999 to 2019 (CDC & WHO). We lose a man to suicide every 13 minutes.
Loneliness affects physical health more than alcoholism, obesity, and smoking 15 cigarettes a day (Regenstrief Institute & Indiana University School of Medicine).
Our Churches Are Not Exempt
And here’s where it gets even more urgent: our Church is not exempt from the crisis. Data from the New Emangelization Project revealed that only 17% of Catholics attend Mass weekly and connect with the parish community.
Among those men who do attend Mass regularly, 31% report having no close friends, and more than half don’t know 10 other parish men by first name. If this is true for those inside the Church, what might it say for the men who aren’t?
Research shows high rates of loneliness among Gen Z and millennial men. Traditional gender roles that emphasize self-reliance and emotional suppression can make it hard for men to build and keep strong friendships.
What’s more, men are often less likely to seek mental health services, and they hold more negative attitudes toward seeking help compared to women.
And while technology can connect people, it also enables retreat into virtual isolation. How many guys do you know who hide in their office rather than make the effort to meet personally for work, lunch, or happy hour?
Overwork and constant interruptions often cost us time at work—and this directly eats into time with key relationships like family. The result? Isolation and disconnection.
The Pandemic Deepened the Problem. This crisis didn’t start last week. It’s been building for some time—through cultural shifts, declining social institutions, and weakening community ties. Then came the COVID-19 pandemic, which poured gasoline on an already smoldering fire.
The COVID-19 pandemic added fuel to the fire. Millions were forced to work from home—and many still are. Mass attendance hasn’t recovered. We shop for household items online, order food delivered, and pick up meals more than ever.
Our sense of community—and our place in it—can’t help but be affected.
Obviously, an epidemic of loneliness and isolation is not God’s plan for us. God made us uniquely for relationship, and our best quality of life, joy, and peace will never be complete when our lives are spent living in our parents’ basement, hunkered down in our home office, or sitting for hours in our man-caves.
God’s Plan: Men Who Abide in Christ.
Here’s where hope breaks in: we are not helpless. Meanwhile, God has equipped us to rise above all this.
God’s plan to take on troubling trends in the Catholic Church should create a deep sense of urgency for men to lead and to pray. According to the National Catholic Register, the Church’s rate of growth has been slowing for decades. Only 31% of Catholics attend Mass weekly, and 80% of young Catholics fall away within 10 years of Confirmation.
In both Old and New Testament times, God has always called on men to lead and deliver His people in times of stress.
So, men—how do we fix this?
In short, we can’t. But God can.
We start with the belief that there is no crisis or epidemic too big for our God. Our opportunity—and obligation—as Christian men is to cooperate fully with the Holy Spirit, starting by leaning into our identity in Jesus Christ.
It is essential that we trust in Christ for our salvation. From there flows our obedience to live out our call. Jesus commanded us to abide in Him. We cooperate by giving Him our 5 loaves and 2 fish—especially when all we face feels too big to solve.
And then we walk in faith, expectantly waiting for spiritual signs and wonders that rescue one man at a time.
“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me.” —John 15:4
This command and promise is a comforting one to keep in mind.
Identity in Christ: The Cornerstone of Heroic Men
Leaning into our identity in Christ—it all starts here. It all ends here.
We will all die one day, and you and I—like every soul that ever lived—will live for eternity. But God’s plan is that we live with Him.
The first essential of identity is our eternal salvation. Sin has broken our full friendship with God—and we can’t repair it ourselves. We can’t be good enough to earn salvation.
Only when we accept Jesus’ death as payment for our unholiness are we saved and marked as beloved sons.
Then, as Jesus says in John 15, that isn’t enough.
God wants more for us—and from us. He wants us in closer relationship and invites us to abide, to serve in Jesus’ authority.
“Truly I say to you, whoever believes in me will do the works that I have done and greater works than these.” —John 14:12
Do you and I trust this? Can we trust Jesus to use us to shift this epidemic of loneliness and isolation?
We start by leaning into our identity. Reflect on it every day. Read Scripture not just to know about Jesus, but to know Him as a friend. In prayer, tell Jesus daily that you love Him, that you’re grateful. Quietly ask how you can be a part of His solution. Then step out of the way—and let Jesus lead.
Defining Identity in Christ
Identity in Christ means finding your true self—who God made you to be—by understanding how **God sees you**, not how the world defines you.
Your worth comes from your relationship with Jesus and His redemptive sacrifice—not from external validation.
Scripturally, identity is tied to mirroring Jesus as Priest, Prophet, and King. When we trust in Christ, we are called to join in His work of salvation—by His authority, through the Holy Spirit.
What flows from identity? Behavior. Choices. Goals. Character. Relationships. Peace. Joy. And all the promises God makes to those who cling to Him.
Embracing Identity Affects Everything. Our roles—father, brother, husband, friend, worker—are downstream from our God-given identity.
If we agree we’re living in a time marked by a widening chasm between God’s plan and human self-determinism, we must ask: *How are men responding?* Do we know we are loved by God, no matter our circumstances?
If so—how do we live that out? What do we say yes to? What do we say no to? Would your life show your identity? Your speech, your calendar, your to-do list, your friendships?
Heroic Men: Living with a Second Layer
Where does this idea of identity as a beloved son come from?
God made the world and everything in it—but the Gospel reveals how God truly feels about us. The Cross is proof of His desire for relationship.
Heroic Men don’t just believe in Jesus. We live like He means it.
We accept our Christian identity and then add something more—urgency.
We recognize the crisis we’re in. We see what’s happening to our families, our churches, and our culture.
We step forward. We say yes to the call. We live with a second layer—a sense of mission beyond survival, beyond comfort.
Heroic Men know: the antidote to the epidemic of isolation is identity in Christ—and the courage to live it out boldly.
Join us.