Deacon Wally Calabrese has a blunt diagnosis for the shortage of priestly vocations and weakened Catholic homes: the domestic church is failing.

Calabrese, a deacon from North Carolina and former Marine, said heroic Catholic life begins less with grand public gestures than with fathers, husbands and mentors who model prayer, service and courage inside the home.

“If he’s going to Mass, the kids will continue to go to Mass,” Calabrese said. “If he takes his faith seriously, if he shows his sons what it means to be a man,” there’s a chance they will be better men.

Dominic De Souza asks Calabrese what story of heroism “lights you up.”

Calabrese’s answer came fast: the ordination of a priest. “Without the priest we don’t have the sacraments,” he said. “We don’t receive Jesus. And we need Jesus.”

For Calabrese, modern seminarians and newly ordained priests face cultural suspicion, family pressure and public mockery. Their “yes,” he said, is an act of courage.

“These young men are fighting society,” Calabrese said. “What does society say about our faith? What does society say about priests? But yet they still stand strong.”

‘A Shepherd Must Smell Like His Sheep’

Asked what makes a priest great, Calabrese pointed first to service.

A priest, he said, cannot act aloof, distant or above the people. He must imitate Christ, who “came to serve, not to be served.”

Calabrese cited the phrase often associated with Pope Francis: “A shepherd must smell like his sheep.” He said the idea has also echoed through recent popes: priests belong among their people, at sickbeds, homes, parish events, emergencies and family crises.

“You can’t hide behind a desk,” he said. “You have to be out there with your people.”

He named Father John de Guzman, a recently ordained priest in his diocese, as an example. Calabrese said he met de Guzman during seminary formation, when the young man was discerning whether he could continue.

“I knew he was going to be a great priest,” Calabrese said.

He recalled telling him, “I think you’re really going to be a great priest one day. And you have to stick through it.”

Years later, Calabrese said, de Guzman’s priesthood has become a sign of joy, especially because he connects with younger men while drawing older parishioners as well.

Parents, Vocations and the Domestic Church

Calabrese saved some of his sharpest comments for parents who fail to support religious vocations.

“Mom and Dad, look in the mirror,” he said. “It starts with you.”

He said many parents speak warmly of faith while quietly preferring worldly markers of success for their children. Some want grandchildren, career achievement or athletic glory before priesthood or religious life.

“The domestic church, if it’s flourishing, if it’s doing what it’s supposed to be doing with the man as head of the church, head of the domestic church,” he said, produces a different culture.

Calabrese clarified that a father’s leadership is neither domination nor control. It is Christlike service. A father prays. He attends Mass. He provides. He teaches sons how men live the faith.

He warned that young men considering the priesthood already face ridicule. Without encouragement at home, their vocations can wither before they are tested.

“They need to have strong leadership at home,” he said. “They need to have strong parents and mentors.”

What a Deacon Does

When De Souza asked a simple question, “What’s a deacon?” Calabrese laughed at the confusion many Catholics have.

“Nobody knows!” he said.

The deacon, he explained, is ordained for Word, altar and charity. His identity is Christ the servant.

He can baptize, witness marriages, preside at funerals and assist at Mass. Yet Calabrese said too many people focus on tasks rather than identity.

“The calling is to be Christ the servant for the church,” he said.

That service, he added, happens largely outside the church building. Deacons meet people in homes, businesses and informal settings. They explain the faith, build relationships, bring people toward the church, then help hand them into sacramental life.

“My biggest thing is I love meeting people and talking about Christ,” he said.

Men Need Brotherhood, Not Another Bible Class

The interview turned to masculinity, and Calabrese returned to his Marine Corps experience.

“I used to tell my Marines it’s a lot harder to be a man than it is to be a Marine,” he said.

Being a Marine, he said, had structure: meals, housing, orders, work and routine. Being a man requires integrity “24 hours a day, seven days a week,” whether anyone is watching.

That is where men’s groups matter, he said. But he warned against turning every men’s gathering into another class or video series.

“That’s not a men’s group,” he said. “That’s faith formation.”

A real men’s group, he said, gives men a place to speak honestly about anger, temptation, fatherhood, doubt, identity issues in the family, pornography, addiction and confusion. It should be a place where a man can say, “I need help,” and receive counsel from other men without performance.

“It should be a safe spot for men to be men,” Calabrese said.

From Marine to Deacon

Calabrese said his hardest decision was accepting ordination to the diaconate.

His path began during a strained time in his marriage, when his wife urged him to attend a retreat called Christ Renews His Parish. He resisted, expecting “a bunch of old guys getting ready to meet Jesus.”

He went anyway, partly after a fight that left him sleeping on the couch.

At the retreat, Calabrese encountered men who were honest about their struggles. He returned to reconciliation after years away. He also experienced adoration.

“I distinctly remember hearing, ‘You’ll be my servant,’” he said.

His first response was disbelief.

“You got the wrong kid here,” he remembered thinking.

Later, while stationed in Okinawa, conversations with a priest brought the diaconate back into focus. He pursued pastoral theology, returned to North Carolina and entered formation.

Even then, he and his wife wondered how he might get out of it.

“Why is he picking me?” Calabrese said. “He’s got his wires crossed.”

The Apostles as Models for Ordinary Men

Asked who his heroes are, Calabrese named the apostles.

They matter to him, he said, because they were ordinary men chosen by Christ for extraordinary work.

“What do we know about Peter?” he asked. “Peter’s first pope, that’s great. But we know the name. We don’t know the person.”

Peter denied Christ three times, yet received the keys. Thomas doubted, yet became a witness. James and John carried ambition and zeal. Judas showed the danger of pride.

Calabrese said men can study the apostles and recognize themselves.

“All their stories, they all struggled,” he said. “And yet somehow or another we feel guilty when we struggle.”

Asked what he tells men who feel guilt over struggle, he answered: “Welcome to humanity.”

Weakness, he said, does not erase masculine responsibility. A husband still leads. A father still protects. But men also need support, including from their wives and brothers in faith.

Serving Other Men

In the final stretch, De Souza asked whom Calabrese puts heroic effort into serving, with God and family ruled out as obvious answers.

“Other men,” Calabrese said.

Men owe each other example, correction and witness, he said. Even older men can learn from younger men. A healthy family strengthens the church. A healthier church can transform the culture.

De Souza summarized the Heroic Men framework this way: “Strengthen the man. If you do that, you’ll strengthen the family. And if you strengthen the family, you’ll strengthen the church. And if we can strengthen the church, we’ll transform the culture.”

Calabrese ended with a direct appeal.

“Come to know and love Christ as a person,” he said.

Faith, he said, begins like a relationship. Conversation. Time. Attention. Love.

“Fall in love with him again,” Calabrese said, “and allow him to transform you to be more like him.”

"It’s a lot HARDER to be a MAN than to be a…