How to Move Beyond “Why” and “Give Me”

Learning from the saints how prayer becomes communion, not complaint.

Sep 24, 2025

Why, Give Me, and the Simplicity of Prayer

It is good to ask why. It is good to ask God for things. It is good to tell Him what is on your heart. Prayer is, after all, a relationship, and relationships thrive on honesty. But if we’re not careful, our prayer can start to sound like nothing more than: Why God, why God, why God. Give me, give me, give me.

Why can’t I sleep when I want to, God?
Why did I lose my job?
Why are there so many issues in my family?
Why can’t I figure out my kids?
Why do I have to suffer?

And then the petitions roll in: God, give me strength. God, give me peace. God, help me. God, give me a stable job. God, give me answers. God, give me what I want.

There’s a beauty in bringing every detail of life before the Lord, but there’s also a temptation to drift into whining. It’s a line I’m still trying to discern.

When God Becomes “Interference”

It’s funny how often we keep the “interference” of God at arm’s length when life is comfortable, yet the moment things fall apart, we demand His sudden appearance. We pray with urgency, and then become angry or confused when He doesn’t answer in the way we expect or relieve the burden right away.

St. Augustine once wrote, “God does not delay to hear us because He has no mind to give, but that by enlarging our desires He may give us the more largely.” In other words, sometimes God doesn’t give us what we ask for right away because He wants to deepen our capacity to receive something greater than we imagined.

Learning from the Saints

The saints knew this struggle well.

St. Teresa of Avila admitted with humor and exasperation: “If this is how You treat Your friends, no wonder You have so few!” She didn’t hide her frustrations, but she also kept her eyes fixed on Christ, knowing He is both friend and Lord.
St. John of the Cross reminded us that true prayer isn’t about outcomes, but about union: “In the evening of life, we will be judged on love alone.”
St. Thérèse of Lisieux, with her “Little Way,” showed that the greatest prayers are not always complicated petitions, but simple acts of love and trust: “For me, prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven.”

These saints remind us that prayer is not primarily about getting answers, but about growing in communion with God.

God’s Holiness Is Not Conditional

We must remember that God is not holy because He makes our days trouble-free. He is not holy because He instantly heals our families or fills us with warm feelings. God is holy because holiness is His very nature: perfect, immutable, eternal. His holiness doesn’t fluctuate with our circumstances.

This is why the prayer of Christ Himself in Gethsemane is so powerful: “Not my will, but Yours be done.” (Luke 22:42). It is the ultimate act of surrender, not a demand, but a union of heart with the Father.

The Simplicity of Being With God

There is something profoundly beautiful about simple prayers that just seek communion:

“Lord, remember me.” (Luke 23:42)
“Lord, let Thy will be done.” (Matthew 6:10)
“Holy, holy, holy are You, O God.” (Revelation 4:8)

These kinds of prayers free us from the endless spiral of “Why me?” and “Give me.” They shift our focus from ourselves to God, from neediness to worship, from isolation to solidarity with the whole Church.

You Are Not Alone

We should also remember to widen our hearts beyond ourselves. Prayer that only circles around my needs, my burdens, my frustrations can shrink our vision. But when we include others like family, friends, neighbors, and even strangers across the globe we begin to experience prayer as solidarity.

When you find yourself awake in the middle of the night, unable to quiet your mind, remember you are not alone. Not only are you held by a merciful and loving God, surrounded by angels and saints interceding for you, but somewhere else in the world, another soul is awake for the same reason. Out of eight billion people, the odds are pretty good that someone is sharing in your struggle at that very moment. That, too, is communion.

Bringing It All Together

Life will always give us reasons to ask “Why?” and moments to plead “Give me.” These prayers are not wrong, but they should not consume us. Let gratitude rise in their place. Let worship overflow from your heart. Let your thoughts turn outward toward others.

The saints teach us that the story doesn’t end with the bad chapters. With God, there is always more good to come. And the final word on our lives will not be our endless “why’s” or “give me’s,” but His eternal Yes, the victory of love that draws us into perfect communion with Him.