Afraid College Will Ruin Your Kid? Read This First.
Deacon Eric Paige reminds parents that the best preparation for the world’s temptations isn’t fear—it’s forming a conscience strong enough to follow the Holy Spirit.
“I hope to God he makes good choices.” Our friends are sending a son to college next year and they are coming to terms with the fact he is heading to a place that, to a parent, seems like Pinocchio’s Pleasure Island: the cursed amusement park that lures boys with all kinds of pleasures, only to turn them into donkeys.
The good news is that, along with the temptations, the Holy Spirit is there too.
The trick is forming our children with consciences that make them receptive to the Spirit. Conscience is that inner voice that enables us to make good moral judgements. It calls us to become the person God intends us to be. But like a muscle that must be trained to be strong, conscience needs to formed and we parents help make that happen.
Take the initiative
As first teachers of our children we can use actions and words to make clear what is right and wrong. While recognizing that we are far from perfect, we should teach our children that our actions communicate to God. Sometimes we say no to things we want (e.g. pleasure, prestige, power) so that we can say yes to God’s will and let the Spirit into our hearts so we become more like Jesus.
Teach with narrative
Stories communicate moral principles in a memorable way with concrete examples of what it means to follow our conscience. And, unlike a lecture, they don’t provoke defensiveness.
Stories require a little work. We have to reflect on events in our life that formed our conscience. When did we first believe in God? When did we do something we knew was wrong? What made us believe that God would forgive us? When was a time when we did the right thing when everyone else around us was doing the wrong thing? Why did we know what was right and wrong? Who were the people who inspired us to do the right thing? What does God want us to do with our lives?
Sharing how God and the people we love formed our conscience will strengthen theirs. It will also deepen our relationship with them.
Different is good
From St. Francis, to St. Catherine of Siena to St. Therese of Lisieux people with strong consciences have the ability to hold themselves to a higher standard while staying humble. With thoughtful storytelling we can encourage them that doing the right thing – even when others are doing the wrong thing – won’t alienate them from friends at college.
Sure, our conscience might call us to be a different from time to time. But there’s an attractive quality to people who combine kindness with the courage to do the right thing. People know that someone with a strong conscience is a friend worth having.
It’s a scary thing sending a child out on their own. But if we form their conscience, they won’t be on their own. They will have the Holy Spirit with them every step of the way.
Deacon Eric Paige
(Director of Deacon Services, Archdiocese of Seattle) for Heroic Men
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